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Brethren and Sistren. Swirlycanes of all flavors. From the most dedicated of diehards to those who just boarded the bandwaggon. Today, we know the land. A land twenty years ago, in simpler times and shittier memes. A time before even the shitpost was truely understood.
And it came to pass that the land knew joy, and the Cup was among them. And it was good.
But seasons are not promised, Brethren, Sistren, and Swirlycanes. And the abundant years gave way to the lean ones. And the Cup departed, and some among the congregation lost their way, and were seen in the jerseys of other teams, and we do not speak of them.
But a remnant remained. Stubborn. Beautiful. Who taught their children the trumpet and the chant and kept the faith not because it was easy, but because some things you do not put down. Those would be destined to become a bunch of jerks.
And there came a man who had known this land in its abundance, who returned in its wilderness and said: we will build something here that does not break. And he built, a single one armed push up at a time. And it did break, and break, and break again. Until finally it was boring and pure.
And into this covenant was sent a storm. A storm with with gale force suffocation and blood in its waters, a storm born in the wilderness the faithful had traversed.
And on the sixth game, the storm made landfall.
And that storm has finally struck truth, as YOUR 2026 Carolina Hurricanes win the Lord Stanley’s Cup!
Witness. Taylor Hall begins the assault to lead to our salvation.
WITNESS! ROD THE BOD LIFTS THE CUP, ONE HANDED, IN CAROLINA ONCE AGAIN!
Best in the east, second best in the league, best in the postseason. It took the lord almighty seven days to finish the work, but the Canes get it done in six. The season is done. The Cup comes to Raleigh.
On to… the rest.

The artist has died in a helicopter crash in Rio De Janeiro, along with 5 other people, confirmed by CNN Brasil: https://www.cnnbrasil.com.br/nacional/sudeste/rj/cantor-oliver-tree-e-um-dos-mortos-em-acidente-aereo-no-rio-veja-vitimas/